Crazy People, part 3

I got a call from "Jim" (not his real name, I don't need any law suits here.) He had to move the motor home I gave him.

Why? Well, he moved it into the trailer park without first clearing it with the park owner. When she came out to see what was going on, he and she got into a big discussion. And of course Jim started shouting and waving his arms around because that is his modus operandi. The owner of the park, whom we will call "Ruth" because she is definitely not ruthless (pretty nice play on words, huh?) decided she had had enough of Jim's attitude. She told him he needed to move his nice motor home right on out of her park... and do it pronto.

At first, as Jim was telling me this, I was sort of sympathizing with him, but then he got to the kicker.... he had never paid her his rent for the month. No wonder she was already predisposed against him. So, he did not pay the rent, he moved out his tiny travel trailer, and moved in my huge motor home. Which doesn't fit in the space where he put it... And then he got into a fight with his landlady. Hmmmm.

Now lest you think that Jim got a good deal from me when I gave him the motor home, you should know that it will take thousands and thousands of dollars to fix all the myriad things wrong with it. I did not bless Jim, I cursed him with a motor home. It is a money pit.

And during their very animated and loud discussion, Jim had the audacity to try to tell Ruth how she should run her trailer park. It is no wonder that Jim was asked to move. I mean... three strikes and you are out of there.

Yes... this is the same Jim that threw all his wife's things out into the yard. That Jim. And now Jim was asking me to help him find a new place to live.

When I asked Jim what happened to his travel trailer, he causually mentioned that it had burned. Burned? Well, he told his wife "Angela" to set it on fire. And for some strange reason, for once she actually did what Jim asked her to do. So it was partially burned inside. Jim was bemoaning the fact that she had set it on fire.

"Only because you told me to!" was Angela's response. "Yes, but you never did anything else I ever told you to. Why did you have to do that?" Nobody could ever quite explain why Jim asked Angela to set the trailer on fire.

I don't know, but I don't really think I will be able to find a new place for Jim to live. I mean, what is he going to tell the new prospective landlord?

"Well, I am crazy, so I burned the travel trailer I was living in and then without telling the landlady I moved in a huge motor home that was 30 feet long instead of the 18 feet the travel trailer was. Oh... and I 'forgot' to pay my rent, and then the land lady and I had a big fight, and now I have to move.... so.... ummmm.... could I move into your park?"

If you were the landlord, what would YOU say? When Jim asked if he could park the motor home back up in "my" yard, I said "NO!!!" I don't own the place. And I don't need any more crazy neighbors. I have a couple of those already across the street.

"How about if I just park it on the street in front of your house?"

"NO!! It is illegal and you will soon be talking to the police explaining to them why you are parking illegally on the street."

So Jim is trying to find a place to park. I mean, another place. Meanwhile he is still where he was, down in Ruth's park. She won't accept his money because that would be in effect agreeing to allow him to stay there. And Jim IS trying to find another place. But... it is a strange thing--nobody will let him move in. Isn't that odd? Maybe he should use Ruth for a reference.... yeah, that would probably help a whole lot.

Some people really are crazy. Don't be one of them.
David A. Youngs

Crazy People, part 2

There is a picture of me to the right in which I am looking incredulous. Or maybe just plain crazy. But I really do not have the challenges that one couple I know has.

I will call them Bill and Angela because that is not their real names, and if they ever read this I do not want a law suit.

Well, I went to see Bill. He is a feisty little fellow only slightly thicker than a broom stick. He seems to be always in perpetual peripatetic mode. I mean the guy can't even stand still. He is always vibrating and jumping all around. And he is always complaining about something. If it isn't taxes, it is the police. And if it isn't the police, it is about the people around him, and how utterly unfair life is, and how he always gets the small end of the stick, the raw deal, life is never fair, blah blah blah.

He came home and his wife Angela had been there and gone. She had moved a few things around in his trailer, and of course this really set Bill off. He just came unglued. He started heaving the offending items that were on "his table, his chair, his counter" out the door into the middle of the lawn. Books, a back pack, a bottle of bleach, all sorts of things.

Just about the time he finished, up walks Angela. I don't know where she had gone, and I guess it really did not matter. But she was extremely angry to see her things being cast out into the yard. And she and Jim started having words about it.

"Why are you throwing my things out."
"Well you left them on MY table."
"It is my table too."
"No... I paid for this trailer (I may have not mentioned, but they live in a tiny trailer) with MY money, so it is MY trailer."

I left them screaming at each other out in the yard with Angela trying to rescue her backpack because "it is full of stolen things I have to return to campus security." Enough said.

Two hours later, my friend John and I came back to see if Angela and Bill had killed each other. No... but things were rapidly getting worse.

Angela decided that if Bill was going to throw her things out in the yard, maybe she should show Bill what it felt like. So... she tossed out some of his things into the yard. The stereo was scattered in broken pieces all over the lawn. Bill had just bought it a couple of days before. John and I could not help it -- we started laughing. Bill was NOT AMUSED. Not in the least.

"I suppose you and your wife NEVER had an argument."

"No, you don't understand. Ha HA ha The reason I am laughing," replied John doubling up with paroxysms of laughter, "is that you remind me ha ha ha of exactly what me and my wife ha ha ha used to do."

Finally after several minutes John could control his laughter for just a moment. "Hey, what are you going to do with your NEW stereo system?"

"It is trashed, I am going to junk it."

"Do you mind if I have it?"

"Oh yeah, you can have it. Sure."

So laughing as we went, we gathered up all the scattered bits and pieces. We even found the speakers broken up and in the trash can already.

I asked Angela if she had enjoyed throwing out Bill's things into the yard.

"YES!! I did!" she replied very emphatically. And by the way her eyes gleamed when she said it, I think she really did enjoy it.

John took the pieces home, and bungee corded and taped things up. He fitted all the little internal cable fittings back together. And believe it or not, it sort of worked. Well, He had to realign the head on the cd player, but the changer actually worked and everything. All the screw holes were broken, but it is amazing what shipping tape (and I mean a LOT of shipping tape) and bungee cords can do. So for 4 hours of hard work, John had a free stereo system. It definitely did not look very good. But he could load up to five cd's at once. Of course the sound quality wasn't quite the same, so he stuffed some material into one of the holes on each speaker boxes to "equalize the bass" and muffle the rattling. And then, believe it or not, it sounded mighty good.

Of course Bill wanted his stereo back, but John wasn't going to have any of that. "You told me I could have it, and now I have invested hours and hours of hard and challenging work into realigning the head, and basically rebuilding the entire system from tiny little pieces. No way are you going to have it back. Besides if I gave it back, Angela would just throw it out into the yard again."

It is still sitting in John's computer room blasting out love ballads and country and western music. And it it mostly clear wrapping tape and bungee cords now.

Occasionally John will go past Bill's house to see if there are any other salvageable things out on the lawn. Who knows, he might just get lucky again.

People really are crazy. Don't be one of them.

David A. Youngs