Crazy People, part 3

I got a call from "Jim" (not his real name, I don't need any law suits here.) He had to move the motor home I gave him.

Why? Well, he moved it into the trailer park without first clearing it with the park owner. When she came out to see what was going on, he and she got into a big discussion. And of course Jim started shouting and waving his arms around because that is his modus operandi. The owner of the park, whom we will call "Ruth" because she is definitely not ruthless (pretty nice play on words, huh?) decided she had had enough of Jim's attitude. She told him he needed to move his nice motor home right on out of her park... and do it pronto.

At first, as Jim was telling me this, I was sort of sympathizing with him, but then he got to the kicker.... he had never paid her his rent for the month. No wonder she was already predisposed against him. So, he did not pay the rent, he moved out his tiny travel trailer, and moved in my huge motor home. Which doesn't fit in the space where he put it... And then he got into a fight with his landlady. Hmmmm.

Now lest you think that Jim got a good deal from me when I gave him the motor home, you should know that it will take thousands and thousands of dollars to fix all the myriad things wrong with it. I did not bless Jim, I cursed him with a motor home. It is a money pit.

And during their very animated and loud discussion, Jim had the audacity to try to tell Ruth how she should run her trailer park. It is no wonder that Jim was asked to move. I mean... three strikes and you are out of there.

Yes... this is the same Jim that threw all his wife's things out into the yard. That Jim. And now Jim was asking me to help him find a new place to live.

When I asked Jim what happened to his travel trailer, he causually mentioned that it had burned. Burned? Well, he told his wife "Angela" to set it on fire. And for some strange reason, for once she actually did what Jim asked her to do. So it was partially burned inside. Jim was bemoaning the fact that she had set it on fire.

"Only because you told me to!" was Angela's response. "Yes, but you never did anything else I ever told you to. Why did you have to do that?" Nobody could ever quite explain why Jim asked Angela to set the trailer on fire.

I don't know, but I don't really think I will be able to find a new place for Jim to live. I mean, what is he going to tell the new prospective landlord?

"Well, I am crazy, so I burned the travel trailer I was living in and then without telling the landlady I moved in a huge motor home that was 30 feet long instead of the 18 feet the travel trailer was. Oh... and I 'forgot' to pay my rent, and then the land lady and I had a big fight, and now I have to move.... so.... ummmm.... could I move into your park?"

If you were the landlord, what would YOU say? When Jim asked if he could park the motor home back up in "my" yard, I said "NO!!!" I don't own the place. And I don't need any more crazy neighbors. I have a couple of those already across the street.

"How about if I just park it on the street in front of your house?"

"NO!! It is illegal and you will soon be talking to the police explaining to them why you are parking illegally on the street."

So Jim is trying to find a place to park. I mean, another place. Meanwhile he is still where he was, down in Ruth's park. She won't accept his money because that would be in effect agreeing to allow him to stay there. And Jim IS trying to find another place. But... it is a strange thing--nobody will let him move in. Isn't that odd? Maybe he should use Ruth for a reference.... yeah, that would probably help a whole lot.

Some people really are crazy. Don't be one of them.
David A. Youngs

Canoes, super sunburn, and pain

I don't know if you have ever paddled a canoe. The senior class had decided to all take a canoe trip on the local river that flowed by the campus. This was a major event as we were all living in a boarding academy that was church owned and run and was super strict. We just might get to look at our fellow female classmates in swimming suits, which was something really out of the ordinary. No two piece suits mind you--no, no, no!

Actually, most people wore cut-offs, and wore tee shirts. Oh well. I too went with a tee-shirt and cut off jeans.

When you are sitting in an aluminum canoe, the sides of the canoe are almost parabolic, and the canoe acts as a parabolic mirror reflecting ALL the suns rays into the middle of the canoe. And the sun's rays are bouncing off the water too. I don't know why I never realized this before the trip.

Within a couple of hours of getting into the canoe, I knew I was in big trouble. My legs which were NEVER exposed to sunlight were turning a nice shade of pink. Of course I did not have any long pants with me, and the sun tan lotion wasn't doing its job--this was years ago before people discovered how to create effective sun blocks. Another hour and I was in pain. The sunburn was bad. The worst thing was that the trip was about half over, and there was no getting out, no turning back.

It occurred to me that I was actually grilling my legs in a primitive solar oven. My legs turned bright red and the pain was unbelievable. Even the light breeze blowing across the bow of the canoe was painful. When I finally got home, I was almost unable to walk with the pain. I hobbled off to my dormitory room and smeared something on my legs to alleviate the pain.

The next day, I discovered that my shins had BLISTERED. My legs just hurt so bad. It took about three days before the pain began to subside. I could scarcely wear pants. But I had too. Cut-offs were not allowed in class, and besides, if I did wear them, I would only be getting even more sunlight. When the sun warmed up my pants I was in pain. I could hardly stand to walk, because the fabric rubbing against my skin was just excruciating, and the salve I had smeared on my legs was causing the fabric to stick to them. I was in complete and total misery.

If you ever go canoeing, or boating, or ever go anywhere near any body of water, limit the time your skin is exposed to sunlight. Wear appropriate LONG clothing and cover up just as your skin turns the least bit pink. A little sunlight is good, but please don't get burned. It makes the whole outing a misery.

Happy boating,
David A. Youngs